How many times have you wished you could control or manipulate your child’s mood or attitude? I know that as my children reached the pre-teen years, I really wasn’t ready for the snarkiness and bad attitudes that came along. It wasn’t enough for me that they actually did what I asked them to, I wanted them to do it with a smile and glee. The reality was, if I waited for them do both mind and obey, AND be happy about it–I would probably be waiting forever! I learned that it is perfectly normal to expect and tolerate some grumbling and glares, it is the actions and whether or not the child is actually following instruction and doing what they are supposed to that matters.
I have yet to meet an adolescent who was as perky and eager-to-please with parents as a younger child. It just doesn’t seem to be the way of the age or phase. As parent, however, we might not be comfortably with all those rolled eyes and grumbling under the breath. We want them to do what they are told or asked to, and be happy about it too. I’m sorry, but in many cases, it just isn’t happening!
Instead, I have found that if they do what I ask (eventually) and are still basically being decent, obedient kids–then I tolerate a bit of grumbling. Now, grumbling does not equal disrespect. We don’t have to tolerate that! Disrespect and disobedience are one thing, while a typical bad attitude and under-the-breath griping about the unfairness and burden of parents is another. As parents, if we wait for an adolescent to both do what he or she is supposed to do (or been asked to do) and be happy and gleeful about it–we may be waiting a very, very long time!
Also: Herding Turtles
Older Kids Need to Hear You’re Proud of Them Too