Search Results for: blog are you an enabler

Are You A Warm Blanket?

Are you a warm blanket? I’m not. I’m a patchwork blanket that got stuck in the dryer. I’m a little torn, and rather worn out in places, but my preschooler still carries me around. What are I talking about when I talk about a warm blanket? I’m talking about someone who creates a nurturing atmosphere in the home. When you walk into a house and someone offers you a cup of tea, you sit down in front of a warm fire, and you get served dinner. That’s a warm blanket. When there’s nothing you can’t do because there are always … Continue reading →

What Do You Do When Your Child is Obsessed With Animals?

My preschool daughter is obsessed with dogs. Fortunately, she hasn’t taken to eating off the floor on all fours, but I know the thought has crossed her mind. My daughter has big plans to own a real dog one day, but for now she has to settle for being the “mother” of 34 stuffed ones. Yes, 34. No, I’m not proud of that number. And, no, I am not her enabler. That’s my mom’s role. Despite the obnoxious amount of furry four legged friends that take up residence in our home, I’d gladly take them and all of their shagginess … Continue reading →

Setting Healthy Boundaries for Your Children (4)

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The process of setting healthy boundaries in your child starts very early in life. By the time a child can say “No” he or she has long grasped the concept of personal boundaries and so it is the responsibility of the parent to let their child know one very important concept: They can’t have everything. It can be hard to say “no” to a pair of beseeching eyes but it is up to you, the parent, to be the strong one in this parent-child relationship into which you have entered. It is so easy to fall into the trap of … Continue reading →

Setting Healthy Boundaries for Your Children (3)

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In the previous article in this series we looked at the most common violation of childhood boundaries: that of discussing adult issues such as financial difficulties and marital problems with your child. The other common boundary problem involves the physical boundary violation of childhood sexual abuse. So common is this phenomenon that, by the age of 18, over 70% of females report some level of sexual abuse. This issue is covered in several articles which can be found under the category of Sexual Harassment and Abuse. Today’s article focuses on more subtle boundary violations, in particular the inability by some … Continue reading →

Setting Healthy Boundaries for Your Children (2)

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The most important gift you can give your child is a healthy set of boundaries. It is the ultimate gift of love, even though in setting boundaries, your child will probably tell you that you don’t love them. They may even tell you they hate you. But that is okay. The problem that many parents have in parenting their children is that they try to be friends with their kids. This is not possible. Parents and children are not peers and therefore cannot be true friends. That comes later, when the child matures into an adult and the parent-child relationship … Continue reading →

Setting Healthy Boundaries for Your Children (1)

In Are You Breeding a Frankenkinder we looked at the preponderance of overindulged and underdisciplined children in today’s society and how we are actually doing our children a gross disservice to “give them everything.” It’s not easy being a parent today. But it’s never been easy being a parent. Or at least, an effective one. We can blame the media for creating a world where our kids just want more and more, but in doing so, we as parents are just passing the buck and refusing to take responsibility for our own actions. Parents today are time-poor, or so we … Continue reading →

Are You Breeding a Frankenkinder?

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A Frankenkinder is the 21st century version of a spoilt child – a monster created by the emotional neglect of its own parents. Yet these kids look far from neglected. They are dressed in designer clothes and have all the latest Playstation games and personal electronic gadgetry. They are wise beyond their years and yet are also extremely immature. So how did we end up with a generation of these kids? Looking through a recent catalogue in my mail box gave me some insight. There was bath oil on sale. No problem with that except there was also a special … Continue reading →

Don’t Give Your Children Everything

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Hands up all those parents who want their children to have a better life than they did? This seems to be one of the most universal desires of parents the world over. It’s natural to want your child to have a better education, better nutrition, indeed better everything. We want to provide the very best start in life for our child. What parent wouldn’t? However, it pays to be very discerning when deciding what exactly you mean by “better.” Today’s children seem to have more toys and more extracurricular choices than we had as children. Our own parents no doubt … Continue reading →

Are You Enabling Your Adult Child?

What exactly does it mean to “enable your adult child?” What the act of enabling does is to actively prevent your child from achieving appropriate developmental milestones as they age. Thus continually refusing to make your child/teenager/young adult take responsibility for their omissions and commissions of duty effectively leaves them as underperforming adults. In simpler words, if you do not make your 8-year old carry his or her plate to the kitchen after a meal and dispose of it according to age-appropriate behaviors, you are allowing that child to remain emotionally at that age, in that area of responsibility, longer … Continue reading →

Is your past affecting your present?

Did you choose your life partner because he or she was physically attractive to you and has qualities that you find important? You may believe that you chose your partner based on the thoughts and feelings you had about them at the time you met them. But other, deeper forces may have been at work. It’s not uncommon to choose partners who in some way physically resemble our opposite sex parent. But it’s even more common to find ourselves in a relationship with someone with similar character traits to one or both of our parents. Sometimes this can be beneficial. … Continue reading →