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Do You Talk To Your Kids Or At Them?

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An older gentleman remarked to me recently that parents today spend a lot of time talking at their kids instead of talking to them. He said he understood that with parents working longer hours today it was sometimes hard to find time to talk to our kids but felt we should make an effort to do so. As I thought about this remark, I realized that he’s right. We communicate with our kids all the time, yes, but how much of that time is spent talking to them? Many times, we’re barking orders, fussing, nagging, giving directives. After my conversation … Continue reading →

I Don’t Mean to Be a Nag, But…

I am a recovering nag. I think I should just get that out here at the very beginning. I am a nag by nature (or at least I’ve been one for so long I do not know if it is “nature” but it has become ingrained with who I am), but I’m working on it. I acknowledge that I have a problem and I’m on it. Or, at least, I’m trying to be on top of it. I’m trying to release on the need to remind… Part of my problem is that I am impatient. It’s hard for me to … Continue reading →

Letting Go of the Need to Always Be Right

Power struggles can be the bane of many a good parent’s existence. We’re going along, and before we know it, we’re locked in a nasty battle with our adorable child. We’ve talked before about different ways to cope and avoid power struggles—but one thing that may be hitching us up as parents is if we feel the need to ALWAYS be right and ALWAYS come out on top. The truth is, we can feel absolutely and completely “right”—but that is not going to make things go any easier with our child. In fact, our insisting on how “right” we are … Continue reading →

D.A.R.E. Programs

Sixth grade students in my county participate in a program called D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education). D.A.R.E. was founded in Los Angeles in 1983. It is now being taught in 75% of today’s school districts and in 43 countries. D.A.R.E does not have to be taught just to sixth grade students. The D.A.R.E. program can take place in any grade kindergarten through twelfth. The program is lead by specially trained officers and teaches children about dealing with peer pressure and drugs. Officers must complete 80 hours of training to teach elementary and middle school D.A.R.E. programs. The officers are not … Continue reading →

Living the Good Life

The following is a story Randy started writing in Microsoft Word. It was only a few weeks after the boys came to live with us. The moonwalk is actually a trampoline. The dog was sixteen years old and has since died of old age and the boys now have a younger, friskier, bigger dog that loves kids and we have added one cat to the collection. Other than that, I think it is still a pretty accurate account. LIVING THE GOOD LIFE BY RANDY Hello it was hard getting here. I was not doing well before and so we came … Continue reading →

The Pitfalls of Praise

Praising our kids is a good thing to do. But too much or the wrong type of praise can sometimes actually be counter-productive. In his book, The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy, Children, John Redmond cautions parents about the pitfalls of praise. Redmond says that most parents feel our kids need a lot of praise and that all praise is good. Both of these assumptions are false, he says. Our kids do need praise but not as much as many of us think. Furthermore, praise can me either constructive or destructive. As an example he cites a study … Continue reading →

How Does Your Family Solve Problems?

How do you solve problems in your family? There are many difrerent ways families solve problems and three of them are outlined in the book , 365 Ways To Help Your Children Grow, by Shelia Ellison and Barbara Barnett. The three styles the authors identify are : mouse, monster and direct . Mouse Style This style involves crying, whining, moping and begging. Monster Style In this style there’s a lot of yelling, intimidating and threats. Direct Style The last style involves simply telling or asking “without buffing things up or watering things down”. The third style is the most effective … Continue reading →

Using Brain-Dead Phrases To Nip Power Struggles In the Bud

For parents who find themselves constantly engaged in power struggles with their kids, I have a technique that might work for you. It’s called, Using Brain-Dead Phrases. It’s a technique recommended in the book, Try and Make Me, by Ray Levy and Bill O’Hanlon. It is a way to let your child know that you are not going to engage in arguing with them or respond to silly questions. The authors report that this is an effective alternative to ignoring behavior because for some people it’s simply not in our nature to ignore things that bug us. There are several … Continue reading →

The Five Steps to Group Development.

This is the follow-on article from How to Grow a Families Leader: The Eight Characteristics of Leadership. Using the example of Families.com as our group, how can we each develop the stated eight characteristics in ourselves? While Lisa Pietsch may be seen as the leader of Families.com (she’s the community manager), group dynamics would suggest that we each have a role to play in ensuring our group’s survival through a systematic understanding of group stages. Bruce Tuckman (educational psychologist) is honored with establishing the five stages of group development. How do these five stages fit Families.com? We have undergone two … Continue reading →