As difficult as being a stay at home mom to a toddler and an infant can be, I would not trade it for any other set of circumstances in the world. On days where things are not going so well, it is easy to day dream about what my life might be like if I were working and the boys were at day care. Today, something happened that made it absolutely clear to me that home with my boys is really where my heart is.
We were in the car, going home from the grocery store. Dylan was munching on a bagel in the back seat when, out of nowhere, he said “I want to go to day care”. I asked him whether he knew what he was saying. I explained to him that day care is a place where children go during the day if both of their parents go to work. He then replied that he wanted to go to day care.
My heart sank, and my mind began to race. How was it that my little buddy, the child who does not like to be left with a babysitter for even a couple of hours, the little boy who has enthusiastically and repeatedly declared that he will not go to preschool because he wants to do preschool at home with Mommy, now wanted to go to day care. What had I done to make him feel that way?
When I asked him why, he said that he wanted to play on their playground and because Mommy is mean. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I have had to set a lot of limits with him lately because he has really been testing boundaries. I have tried very hard to set limits gently and respectfully. I’ve raised my voice a few times, but I have not even used “time out”. I prefer “time in”, holding him when he rages or cries and patiently encouraging him to express his feelings. I told him that day care has rules and limits too, and his reply was that he would follow the rules and limits there. Choking back tears, I told him that he was entitled to his feelings and that we would look into day care for him if that is what he needs.
Fast forward to bed time. Every night, we talk for a bit before he falls asleep. Tonight, his first question was “What is day care?” I explained the whole thing to him again, and then took a deep breath as I waited for his reply. He looked right at me and said “Just kidding Mom, I don’t want to do that. I want to be with you.” Then he laughed. All I could say was “Wow, that’s great. I am so happy that you don’t want to go. I would miss you way too much.” He has his father’s sense of humor – at not even three years old. The next time I catch myself daydreaming about being at work, all I will need to do to snap back into the moment and enjoy being home with the kids is to remember Dylan’s little “joke” that was anything but funny.
