Another entry in our Adoption Books with Great Art series is remarkable not only because of its luminous paintings, but because it is one of the rare books that describe an open adoption so naturally.
In Megan’s Birthday Tree, the narrator tells us that she sometimes wonders about her adoption, but “I don’t have to go far to find the answers to my questions. Mom and Dad tell me what I want to know. And since I have an open adoption, I stay in touch with my birth mother, Kendra, too. Although I don’t see her often, we mail each other lots of notes and photos.”
The book has an introduction by social worker Jane Page of the Illinois adoption agency The Cradle. Page points out that the above sentence gets to the heart of what open adoption is all about: children, but they have access to real answers instead of imaginings.
Counselors have found that many children without this access go to one of two extremes in fantasizing about their birth mother and relatives: idealizing them–and often blaming the adoptive parents for taking them away- or believing the worst about them. In my mind I think of it as “princess or prostitute” thinking. Children in open adoptions may still not understand completely the reasons they were adopted, but they understand that their birthparents are real people with strengths and flaws and changing circumstances.
Megan’s Birthday Tree tells the story from the point of view of the child. Megan appears in the illustrations to be between eight and twelve years old. Her birthmother planted a tree when Megan was born—to remind herself, she told Megan, of how much Megan is growing. Every year the birthmother Kendra decorates the tree on Megan’s birthday and sends Megan a photo.
One year Kendra writes to Megan that she is getting married and moving to a new home. Megan becomes afraid that Kendra will forget her without the birthday tree. Megan can’t bring herself to say what she’s really afraid of, but she asks her mom to tell her the story of how she was born. Mom tells how Kendra counted the baby’s fingers and toes, cried at the parting, and really loved her.
Megan tells her parents she is glad they adopted her, but she hopes Kendra will always remember her. Mom assures her Kendra would never forget her, but Megan is still worried.
Megan tries various means to get another tree for Kendra to plant at her new home. She unsuccessfully tries to grow a tree from a cutting, to dig up a tree from her yard, and to earn money to buy a tree at a nursery, but is unsuccessful.
When Kendra arrives, she tells Megan she doesn’t need a tree or anything else to remember her. “You will always be a part of me,” she says, and when Megan sees the tears in her eyes she knows this is true.
Megan says maybe she was being silly about the tree. “Well, I guess you got that from me,” says Kendra, as they approach Kendra’s truck—with the entire original birthday tree inside!
The paintings convey emotions very well, from Megan’s poignant musings to her shock at the price of trees. I especially like the painting of the birthmother holding the baby at the hospital. Her love is clear, her face sad but not conflicted. The adoptive parents are in hospital garb, and have retreated to the door to give the birthmother some space. Somehow the artist conveys the love and hope and sorrow they feel—for the baby, for Kendra, and for themselves.
I like how Megan goes to her parents initially for comfort when she learns Kendra’s news, even though she doesn’t ask the question she really wants to ask. I like the sensitivity the adoptive parents show toward both Megan and her birth mother. I like that the family is not afraid to talk openly about traits Megan may have gotten from her birthmother. Megan says she is lucky “to be part of such a special family”.
This book conveys a very positive message to children in an open adoption, and can provide parents with a realistic view of how open adoption relationships work.
The author of Megan’s Birthday Tree is Laurie Lears. The illustrator is Bill Farnsworth, who also illustrated The Christmas Menorahs.
For a story written by a birthmother for her child, see this blog:
Book Review: Did My First Mother Love Me?
Please also see this related blog:
Book Review: The Open Adoption Experience