We single parents do so much in the course of the day–work, household care, childcare–it can seem like by the end of the day we are completely tapped out and exhausted; as if we have given everything we possibly can. But doing things and being organized in the running of the household or a family is not the same as being intimate and close. Our children need us to not only care for their physical and obvious needs, but to also be available for closeness and foster intimacy with them. We need to be open and available when they need us.
I believe that closeness and trust in a family comes from a combination–we need to meet our child’s basic needs and make sure he or she is well-fed, rested, and cared for in all areas of life, but we also need to make sure we tend to their emotional and intimacy needs too. Our children need to know that we will not only bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, but that we will also be there when they are hurting, scared, or just in need of nurturing parental contact.
The first step is to make sure that our child knows we are there for him. We ask after their emotional well-being and make sure that we put things down and are attentive and responsive when they need us. This could be as simple as listening when they want to tell us about their day, or as challenging as leaving work a little early to meet with a child who has had a particularly hard day. Even though we have the pressures of caring for the physical and external needs of a family, we still need to balance that with being emotionally responsive and available so that we can build a strong, close family.
Also: How do I Get Closer to My Loved One?