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What Would You Not Forgive – Part 2?

Yesterday I told you of the discussion four of us had about what we would not forgive or would struggle to forgive. The other thing both of us the women in the group mentioned was domestic violence. I’d find it hard to live with a man who took out his frustration and anger on me in violent ways. You’d always be walking on eggshells wondering what next would set him off. I say he, because although abuse of husband by wives does happen, it is less common. With domestic violence there is often a pattern where the violent act is … Continue reading →

What Would You Not Forgive?

What would you not forgive? That was one of the topics we talked about yesterday with another younger married couple. Mick and I had already discussed it earlier. We both agreed the one area we would struggle to find hard to forgive – is our spouse having an affair. Yes, I know marriages have been put back together after an affair. But we decided we’d both find it extremely difficult to forgive what is a betrayal of the most intimate relationship. It’s far more than just the physical act of sex. It’s the whole betrayal of everything you’ve believed about … Continue reading →

Double Standards and Forgiveness

Have you ever gotten mad at your spouse for doing something so dumb you just can’t believe they did it? How could they be so oblivious, or absent-minded, or short-sighted? Sadly, I have to admit I have. There’s been times Wayne’s done things, goofed something up, and I’m like, “What the heck were you thinking? You had to have seen that coming?” Oh yeah, when he goofs up I assume the superior air because no way would I have made the same mistake. But, of course, I do. Maybe not the exact same mistake, but I make plenty o’mistakes nonetheless. … Continue reading →

Forgive, Forgive, Forgive!

I wrote earlier today about how hanging on to hate can waste a lot of time. It dawned on me as I was finishing up, however, that the anecdote to hate is really forgiveness and while we often talk about the importance of forgiveness and letting go, few of us know how drastic forgiveness can be. It has taken me over forty years to learn that forgiveness is NOT giving up or letting others have control over me; it also does not mean that I am forgetting or allowing myself to make the same mistakes over and over again. What … Continue reading →

Red Sox Fans Finally Forgive Buckner

It took 22 years, but the Boston Red Sox fans have finally forgiven Bill Buckner. What could Buckner have done that was so bad that it took so long for baseball fans to forgive him? Well, let me tell you the story: Back on October 25, 1986, the Boston Red Sox were a team who hadn’t won a World Series since 1981. Some thought the Red Sox had such a long losing streak due to the Curse of the Bambino, Babe Ruth. But, in 1986, they found themselves on the verge winning it all. It was game four, they were … Continue reading →

How Much Forgiveness Should We Model?

As role models for our kids, we parents have tall orders—we have to set an example and model desirable character traits and behaviors, but we also have to allow for some flaws and humanity. One of the things I know that single parents can model for our kids is forgiveness—such an important life lesson. We might start to wonder, however, how MUCH forgiveness we should model and when our forgiveness lessons have crossed over into co-dependency? I think about forgiveness in two pieces—there are the little, daily constant infractions that we need to learn how to let go of and … Continue reading →

Ask Permission or Ask Forgiveness?

Years ago, I sat on a volunteer committee and one of the members was an elderly nun. She shared her “wisdom of the ages” at one meeting when she said it was “far better to ask for forgiveness sometimes than to ask for permission.” What a thing to come from a woman of religion! I have noticed, however, that in family life, this seems to be some wisdom that my children wrestle with too… “What is the worst that could happen?” How many times have you asked yourself this question when you tried to figure out whether or not to … Continue reading →

The Marriage Blog Week in Review for December 17-23

Merry Christmas Eve! ‘Tis the season to be even busier than usual, but maybe today you have some time to catch up on things. Such as reading the Marriage Blog. If you missed any of last week’s musings from Lyn and myself, check out this edition of the Week in Review to see what we wrote on: Monday, December 17 How Much are You Willing to Give? Lyn proposed situations of spouses giving and wondered which ones would be giving too much and would warrant a “No!” Why Nookie Should Be on Your Christmas Wish List A report I saw … Continue reading →

Give the Gift of Forgiveness

The best gift that you can give to someone and to yourself is to give the gift of forgiveness. There are hurts that many of us carry within us, wrongs that have been done intentionally or unintentionally. Although you may not focus on these things, you may find old feelings of anger or hurt that come up suddenly. It can be difficult to forgive someone, especially when they do not admit that they have done anything wrong. But forgiveness can free both of you from negative feelings and give you a chance at peace. Take time today to think of … Continue reading →

Forgive and Let it Go

Forgive and forget is a tough concept to master for most people. While many people can forgive fewer people are as easy to forget. Many people hold incidents in their minds and bring them up into conversation years after they occur. While forgetting is not necessary in a relationship, being able to let things go is important for couples. There is no doubt that sometime in your relationship your spouse will do something that makes you angry, upset, or annoyed. Even the best and closest of couple have arguments. It is all part of human nature. How the couple handles … Continue reading →