When I wrote Let go of Your Anger, I was writing from experience. Yes, I do get upset with people, but that’s very different from me being angry. I don’t get truly angry very often, and it takes a lot to get me there. One of the biggest emotional changes when I found out that I was going to be a single parent was anger. The anger was not only directed at him either. I was angry at myself as well. I wish now that I would have kept a journal of my time then, because even now, I can’t remember all of the reasons that I was angry. I can however remember some of the main and biggest reasons for the anger which I will cover.
I was angry at myself for believing the things he told me. Angry for being so trusting. I believed all the plans he would come up with for us being together forever; where we would live, the things we would have, the happiness that we would share. My biggest mistake was believing those three little words that sound so wonderful, but can cause so much pain.
I was angry at myself for not seeing the signs of the way things would go if this situation were to develop. It started with “I don’t want kids,” developed to “Kids might be nice some day,” and continued to “Yeah, I’d like to have kids.” Had I known then what I know now, I would have realized he just continued to say the things I wanted to hear.
I was angry at myself for allowing it to happen, as there were signs, and I could have put a stop to it at any point in time. There were small signs here and there that the relationship wasn’t necessarily the best or healthiest. There were signs that he wasn’t the most stable person in the world. There were even small signs that he was lying about everything he was telling me. I chose to ignore them instead of questioning them.
These are the main reasons I was angry at me. I know there are people out there who say I shouldn’t have been, because I have met some of them. However, to get into the situation, it did take two, and I played my part. This however, was only a small part of my anger. My main part of my anger was at him.