There is an old saying that says you hurt the ones you love. When you are married, there is every chance you will hurt the one you love. It doesn’t need to be intentional; in fact chances are it’s going to be very unintentional. When you live with someone, there are a dozen little things you can both do to the other that can inflict injury and to be honest, it happens.
Day in and day out, we make mistakes, we err and we injure or cause hurt to each other. The hurts don’t have to be serious – but a lot of little hurts can accumulate. Making mistakes is such a normal part of a relationship that it’s equally normal to make up from those mistakes.
As long as you are not in an abusive relationship, then you can understand that the two of you can repair just about any problems between the two of you and make your relationship stronger and better for it.
We All Make Mistakes
How can we make our mistakes better? How can we repair damage or injuries we do to each other? Easy – we forgive. Forgiveness is more than just a phrase – it’s a gift of thought, emotion and action. Too often people say they forgive, but their actions demonstrate that their anger is still alive and kicking.
The idea of forgiveness is to release the burden and the anger. It also releases the bitterness and the regrets. When you say I forgive you and you mean I don’t want to talk about this and I don’t want to talk to you or deal with you – you aren’t forgiving. The idea of being forgiving is to back to before the injury was given.
Before Giving Insult
When your spouse says they are sorry and you tell them you forgive them – it’s important to mean it and to feel it. Sometimes it’s hard – especially when the hurt is still there. The hurt doesn’t have to be a big one, but an accumulation of little ones. You can’t tell your spouse that you forgive them and not mean it. If you need time, if you need to understand or you need time to forgive – take it.
The best way I have found to forgive is to measure the wealth of how wonderful my husband makes me feel versus the hurt that I am feeling in that moment. I also know how I feel when I have hurt him. I want to give back to him what was there before the hurt – so when I have the opportunity to forgive him later for a hurt he has done – I take that opportunity.
When you break a bone, if you set it correctly, the broken spot will heal and be stronger than it was before the break. The fractures in your marriage can do the same thing given the same opportunities. Do you know how to forgive and be forgiving?
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The A-Z Guide to Marriage (A-F)